June 29^th, 2010 was not just another Friday night on the Sunset Strip for me, although I was standing on the street corner in a skin tight dress wearing a load of black eye-liner…  Tonight I was going to see Jane’s Addiction at The Roxy on Sunset Blvd, but I didn’t have a ticket so I was standing in line with hundreds of other hopefuls trying to get in anyway.

There’s an art to standing in line waiting for a concert, it’s important to understand the correct way to embark on such an adventure.  First of all, be friendly!  If you’re not making friends with people who love the same music that you do enough to stand in line for hours on end – then you shouldn’t be in that line.  You have a certain kinship with these people and it needs to be recognized.  I’ve waited in line for many, many concerts through the years.  I once camped out for Phish tickets and met a guy that I ended up moving in with and we followed bands around the country together; and I’ve met tons of amazing people waiting outside Black Crowes concerts.  Also, when you make friends with people around you, there’s no need to worry about losing your place if you need to step out to use the restroom or grab some coffee.

My parents were in line with me celebrating their 39^th wedding anniversary.  Hoping to get into a Jane’s Addiction concert to celebrate was my idea, but I’m sure it was more exciting than going to the nice dinner they had planned.

Being 3^rd from the end of the line, I wondered if my luck had run out until I saw a video camera and some hot chicks wearing Bing t-shirts.  If there’s a video camera and hot chicks, there’s some ticket give-aways to follow!  Using my unprecedented wit and charm I was able to get the coveted tickets not only for myself but a pair for my parents as well; things were falling into place!

Once inside I had just enough time to grab a beer and get as close to the front as possible.  The one thing I’ll never understand at a rock concert is why the weird dudes in the front row never want to let the hot chicks stand in front of them.  Do you really think the band wants to watch some guy head bang while they’re gyrating shirtless on stage?  Hell no!  They want to watch the hot chicks in slutty clothes bounce around in front of them!  So, if you’re reading this and you’re that guy that gets to the front row and won’t let a girl in a miniskirt and big tits jump in front of you, you’re an ass.

Once the show started I was happily lost in concert-land.  They brought out a complete freak show to entertain for their opening act; a sword swallower, wolf boy, rubber boy, and some creepy guy that kept shoving needles through his body.  They were disgustingly entertaining and a great warm-up for what was to be an epic rock n’ roll circus.

Preparing for the entrance of pure rock, two fetish models were hung from the ceiling by their pierced skin.  I was entranced watching them dangle back and forth when abruptly the curtain dropped and out popped Perry, Dave, Duff, and Stephen.  Perry Farrell flew toward the crowd with his microphone in hand, stopping just before doing a swan dive into the froth of fans below.  The girls hanging from the ceiling pushed the madness to a new high swinging wide over the crowd, then barely missing the Gods of Rock on their rebound back to the stage.

Perry’s swiveling hips caught my attention again and again as he worked the stage like a stripper in heat.  Tearing myself away from his bulging crotch I had the chance to eye-fuck the piece of man meat we call Dave Navarro.  And pulling myself away from my wet dream I watched Duff McKagan rip the bass lines into a new era of musical genius.

Reading my mind they took their shirts off and played my favorite Jane’s songs (all of them) including the obvious: Been Caught Stealin’, Three Days, and Jane Says.  The intensity levels rose through the band showering the audience.  Fans were pushing and shoving as more scantily clad bondage beauties joined the larger-than-life band onstage.  The purity of the music and the unadulterated performance overpowered the atmosphere making the air thick with admiration and sexuality.

The show was hauntingly unforgettable; words cannot describe what Jane’s Addiction has given to their fans through the years; packaging their soul into each show, including this one.  It was a performance of epic proportions.  A big thank you goes out to Perry, Dave, Duff, and Stephen for showing this girl a good time and making my parents 39^th wedding anniversary one to remember.